Introduction
High Self-Actualization – The Nurturing Parents
The nurturing parents focus on the overall development of their children. They spend time and money developing their children potentials and abilities. They take high initiatives to prepare them to become useful and productive adult. The nurturing parents instill good values in their children life. They teach the children to differentiate between what is right or wrong. When their children fall out of line, they are likely to counsel, guide and lead their children toward the right path. The nurturing parents provide a favorable environment for their children to learn and grow to become useful human being.
Parenting Style
The nurturing parents make an effort to understand their children needs, wants and interests and work hard towards satisfying them. They listen actively to understand their children and create opportunities for them to accomplish their goals.
The nurturing parents know their children’s interests, likes and dislikes, hopes and aspirations. By knowing their children well they can help the children effectively to grow in the right direction and achieve their destiny.
The nurturing parents know what their children are good at doing and help their children to grow their potentials in that area. They are good at preparing their children to find a career they enjoy doing. They know that their children will be motivated to perform if they feel competent at something they enjoy.
The nurturing parents know the strengths and shortcomings of their children. They will use the children strengths to develop their potentials. They will help their children to overcome their shortcomings by getting outside help.
The nurturing parents establish and build a loving and caring relationship with their children. They work hard to provide a conducive and favorable environment for the children to self-actualize and change for the better.
Impacts of Parenting Style
Nurtured children are generally healthy in heir psychological and mental disposition. They develop high self-concept and esteem faster than other parenting styles. They possess a positive mental attitude towards life. Generally, they are high achiever as results of their hard work and commitment in chasing after good grades. They are socially well-adjusted and are able to promote and maintain successful relationships with their parents, teachers and others.
Nurtured children exhibit appropriate behavior in whatever they do. They are trustworthy, obedient, well disciplined and are not prone to drug and substance abuse.
Guidance to Parenting
Nurturing parents do not need parenting tips or guidance. Parents can emulate their parenting style to bring up their children.
Low Self-Actualization – The Negligent Parents
The negligent parents are relatively unhealthy and in their mental and psychological disposition. They cannot forget their painful past and are going through some current pains struggling to survive. The negligent parents are problematic and could not take care of themselves. They live a hand to mouth existence. Many of them are failures in making a decent living. Some may even involve in petty crimes. As a result, they are bad providers and often deprived the physiological, safety and emotional needs of their children.
Parenting Style
The negligent parents are uninvolved and let their children fend for themselves. Often these children are left starving and wandering in the streets struggling to survive by any means.
The negligent parents are neurotic, irrational and emotionally unstable. They are abusive and tend to vent their frustration on their spouse and children. Their children are often beaten up without any valid reasons.
The negligent parents are unhappy, stressful and depressed. They are uncouth, violent and often quarrel and fight among each other in front of their children. Profanity and name calling like assholes, idiots, morons and even vulgar words are their common language of communication. Their children learn to behave like them.
The negligent parents are emotionally detached from their children. They are uninvolved in their children welfare. They see their children as a burden. Their children feel insecure, isolated, abandoned and unwanted. They live in fear and worry of the next meal. Neglected children virtually lost their childhood. They live in fear, pains and a meagre and miserable existence.
Impacts on Children Behavior
Children of negligent parents are unhappy, incompetent and often failed in life. They lack social competence and self esteem and often exhibit inappropriate behavior. They are more likely to experience problems with authority and tend to perform poorly in school. Neglected children are manipulative, irresponsible, dishonest and unreliable. They develop a negative mental attitude towards life and see it as a struggle in the law of the jungle. Many of the neglected children in the toxic environment tend to grow up to become potential criminals.
The authorities such as the Ministry of Education, Teacher – Parent Association and the Welfare Department should work together to identify these children at the early stage and provide them with a conducive environment by recommending them to boarding schools to assist them to self-actualize and grow up to become useful adults.
High Egocentric – The Authoritarian Parents
The authoritarians want to decide for their children future. They set high standards for their children and drive them to meet their expectations. The authoritarians expect their children to obey their voice of authority and do things their way. The authoritarians are highly demanding, directive and often get little input from their children in making decisions. They want obedience and expect their order to be carried out without explanation. The authoritarians are status-oriented and will share their achievement. The authoritarians are likely to lose their cool when their children fall short of their expectation.
Parenting Style
The authoritarians have high need for power image and control. They set high expectations and push their children to meet them. Failure to meet their standard is seen as bringing down their image. Their children are often rebuked for not meeting their standard.
The authoritarians tend to shape the children the way they want the children to be. They make known to their children that they are the bosses in the family. The children have no leeway to make decision. Every order must be followed strictly. They tend to use threats in putting their children in the right track.
The authoritarians demands good grades from their children. They will put pressure on their children to chase after good results. Failure in getting good grades will land the children under stringent and rigid control.
The authoritarians set challenging goals for their children. They will force their children to work hard toward meeting their goals. Failure on their children part to meet their goals will upset them. They tend to see their children as a reflection of themselves.
The authoritarians take pride if their children hold position of power in school. They like to share about their children achievements with their friends.
The authoritarians are status conscious, dominant, stern, harsh and somewhat overbearing.
Impacts of Parenting Styles
The authoritarian’s children will grow up to become more obedient and proficient. However, they may emulate their parent’s behavior and become dominant, stern and overbearing resulting in lacking social skills. Apparently when they grow up they may have difficulty getting long with others.
The authoritarian’s children self-esteem may be adversely affected. They may feel inferior, inadequate and unworthy. They may lack confidence and would seek approval from others before making a decision.
Guidance to Parenting
The authoritarians should adopt the democratic approach to their parenting style. They need to engage their children in setting their expectations and goals for them. They need to explain the reasons behind their orders and make their children understand why they must follow them. The authoritarians need to understand the reason behind their children’s failures to achieve their expectation and assist them in whatever way you can. They need to counsel, advice and give warnings before punishing their children as the last resort. The authoritarians need to build up their children’s self-esteem and confidence by listening to their views. They need to pat their children on the back when they come out with good suggestions in meeting their expectations.
Low Egocentric – The Permissive Parents
The permissive parents are non-directive and not demanding. They do not push their children. They allow them to progress at their own pace. The permissive parents accommodate to their children demands. They are soft and lenient in bring up their children. The permissive parents are not status conscious and feel embarrassed when others talk about their children achievement. They listen to their children attentively and allow them to do things their way. The permissive parents have a high level of tolerance and will keep their cool when their children fall short of their expectation.
Parenting Style
The permissive parents seldom make demands for their children. Instead, they will yield to the demands of their children.
The permissive parents are generally soft-natured and lenient. They rarely discipline their children. They tend to avoid confrontation with their children.
The permissive parents have relatively low expectation for their children. They do not force their children to do something great. They allow them to grow at their own pace.
The permissive parents listen more than talking when they interact with their children. They try to understand their children’s needs and aspirations and would offer guidance when solicited.
The permissive parents rarely talk about their children achievements. They prefer to keep a low profile for their children.
The permissive parents treat like children like a friend. They do not boss around and accept their children as individuals capable of deciding their own destiny.
The permissive parents rarely regulate the children behavior. They believe that their children should learn to make decisions without referring to them. By so doing their children would be able to learn better from their mistakes.
Impacts of Parenting Style
Children lack self control and discipline as they are not used to being controlled. They may feel insecure due to lack of direction and guidance. Those who inherited the dominant genes tend to boss around with their parents and others. They can become aggressive, demanding and rebellious in their social circle. Being dominant and overbearing, they may not be able to connect and bond with others resulting in poor interpersonal relationship skills. Those who inherited the genes of their own parents may remodel after their parents’ behavior. Researches had shown that children of permissive parents are linked to risky behavior such as alcohol, drug abuse and other form of misconduct.
Guidance to Parenting
The permissive parents must make an effort to size up their children by observing their behavior and getting feedback from others about their conduct. Should the children emulate the good qualities of their behavior, they can achieve success and yet remain good natured and humble. Should they fall on the wrong track, the permissive parents should change their parenting styles and become an authoritarian to put them on the right track.
Below are some tips of authoritarian parenting for their children.
- Show your children that you are the boss in the family
- Be firm and consistent in disciplining your children
- Let your children know that they are doing well and praise them for their achievements
- Encourage your children to take turns in leading your family activities
- Make a habit to praise your children when they show their talents and do something well
- Teach your children to think, feel and do things positively
- Do not make it a habit to make all the decisions for your children, help them to be decisive
- Do not embarrass your children when they erred, assist your children to learn from their mistakes
- Express your good feelings about your children openly and sincerely
- Help your children to see the brighter side of life
- Assist your children to conquer their fear
- Reward your children for their accomplishment
High Sociocentric – The Attachment Parents
The attachment parents have a deep well for feelings. They devote their love, affection, care and support to their children. They ensure that their children feel that they are behind them in times of need. The attachment parents express their feelings for their children openly. They express their love both in words and actions using words of endearment with a lot of hugs and kisses. The attachment parents listen to their children’s problems and discuss with them to find solutions. They often give them encouragement, assistance and support to face life’s challenges. The attachment parents enjoy spending quality time with their children. They share, work and play together to develop a feelings of togetherness. The attachment parents are empathetic and sensitive to their children’s needs and feelings. They can easily satisfy their intimacy needs.
Parenting style
The attachment parents shower their love and devote their life to your children. They love their children with all their hearts and are willing to sacrifice themselves for their children’s welfare and happiness.
The attachment parents look after their children with tender care. They would do everything possible to make their children happy to the extent of being indulgent in their upbringing. They tend to pamper their children and often give in to their demands.
The attachment parents like to celebrate their children’s special occasions. They would encourage their children to invite their friends for gatherings. They will try to make the occasion a memorable one for their children to cherish.
The attachment parents create precious moments for their children. They will take their children for vacations and picnics. They are good at building strong emotional bonds with their children.
The attachment parents often love their children blindly. They tend to close one eye when their children fall out of line. They do not have the heart to lay a finger on their children even though the children make mistakes. They prefer to counsel and guide rather than use discipline to put them on the right track.
The attachment parents are very sensitive and emotional. They can be dislocated and get very stressed up when their children get into hot soup.
Impact
Children of attachment parents are good at bonding with others. They are affectionate, caring, supportive, independent, and would help others throughout their lives. They develop good interpersonal skills based on mutual sensitivity and trust. They could communicate and express their feelings in their interactions with others. Those pampered by the parents may lack self-discipline and become emotionally unstable. They can be demanding, disobedient, self-centered and want to do things their way for lack of being disciplined in their upbringing. Some may even turn to become spoilt brats.
Guidance
- Do not pamper your children and love them blindly. Learn to give conditional love.
- Reward your children for good behavior and punish them if they fall out of line.
- Do not give in to unreasonable demands of your children. They can become spoilt brats.
- You will be able to help your children better if you remain calm when they are in deep trouble.
Low – Sociocentric – The Detachment Parents
The detached parents have a shallow well for feelings. . They seldom express their feeling of affection and concern for their children. They find difficulties in expressing their love and rarely talk to their children. Apparently, they appear to be indifferent to their children feelings. The detached parents hardly touch their children let alone pat them on their head. The detached parents are not able to meet their intimacy needs. Their children often feel neglected and unwanted.
Parenting Style
The detached parents do not make an effort spend quality time with their children. They hardly do things together with them. They find the chatters of children annoying and prefer a serene and quiet environment. Apparently they are often misunderstood as cold and forbidding. The detached parents lack the ability to bond with their children emotionally. They appear to be insensitive and uncaring toward their children. Often they keep their love and affection for their children in their heart. The detached parents are quiet, reserved and seldom communicate with their children. Should they be any enquiries from their children their answers are short, brief or monosyllabic.
The detached parents seldom share their interests. Outing with their family is often a very rare occasion. The detached parents lack empathy. They could not put themselves in the shoes of their children in handling their problems. Their children may find them insensitive to their needs and feelings.
Impacts of Parenting Styles
he detached parents lack the ability to satisfy the intimacy needs of their children. The children may develop problematic behaviTor when they perceive their parents do not really love and care for them.
Guidance to Parenting
High Security – The Regulators
The regulators develop rigid house rules for their children and expect them to follow. They arrange a tight schedule of activities and ensure adherence to their plans and lock down times strictly. The regulators want guarantee of success for their children’s future. They develop a detailed plan and develop a course of action to shape their children’s destiny. The regulators would buy insurance for their children’s education. They don’t mind spending money for the overall development of their children. The regulator believes that children must be told what to do and how to run their lives. They tend to micromanage their children. They want to ensure that their children are on the right track.
Parenting styles
The regulators monitor their children’s activities closely like a watchdog. They want to know what the children are doing at home and outside. They want to know everything about what their children do. They get nervous when their children do not inform them of their whereabouts. They want to be sure that their children are safe and sound wherever they are.
The regulators develop house rules for their children. They arrange a tight schedule for their children’s activities at home. They expect absolute obedience leaving no space or time for their children to be independent.
The regulators train their children like the military. They expect their children to be perfect. They allocate time for the children to study, play and relax. They tend to treat their children like robots expecting their children to follow their schedule of activities.
The regulators are very protective of their children. They want to know who their friends are. They want to ensure that their children mix with the right company free from harm and substance abuses.
The regulators have a high respect for safety and order. They expect their children to do the same. They get their children to engage in housekeeping activities. They make sure that their children keep their rooms neat and tidy.
The regulators tend to worry unnecessarily about their children’s future. If they can afford it, they will buy insurance for their children’s education. As a result, they tend to make every decision for their children to the extent of determining their future. They will support their children to the very end to ensure that their children meet their expectations.
Impact
Children develop high self control and are well disciplined. They are obedient, organized, precise, meticulous and neat. They do their homework and pass it to their teachers punctually. Most of them are inclined to become achievers in their academic performance. On the adverse side, their children may lose their childhood and are generally unhappy. They may develop a lack of confidence to make decisions and become too dependent on their parents. They may fuss over trivial matters. Too much regulating may cause the children to become inflexible, finicky and rigid. They may find difficulty in adapting and may be dislocated in a new environment. Parental rigid control could hamper the children from developing their creative potentials.
Guidance
The regulators must make an effort to size up their children’s strengths and weaknesses from their behavior patterns. To assist them to overcome their children’s shortcomings, the regulators should:
- Provide some leeway for their children to explore and experiment with things;
- Discuss problems and issues with their children and help them to arrive at a decision;
- Regulate only bad behavior. Allow their children to have the freedom to make up their minds when they are on to the right track;
- Teach your children to go around the rules and regulations to get things done;
- Create precious moments for their children to make them happy;
- Assist their children to adapt to new environments;
- Teach their children to be flexible when dealing with the world;
- Send their children for creativity programs;
- Not to worry unnecessarily about their children’s future and get anxious and stressed.
Low Security – The Laissez Faire Parents
The laissez faire parents give a free hand to their children to decide what they want to do with their life. They train their children to be independent. The laissez faire parents encourage their children to explore and experiment with the nature of things. They want their children to take responsibilities of their actions and deeds, and learn from making mistakes. The laissez faire parents are not anxious or worry about their children future. They allow their children to do as they please to shape their own destiny.
Parenting Style
The laissez faire parents empower their children to make decisions on what they want to do with their life. They believe that their children are inherently born with the ability to regulate and grow themselves to become independent, successful and creative people.
The laissez faire parents believe that whatever their children will be, will be. There should not be any rigid rules for their children. Children should be given the freedom to choose what they want to do. They believe that a tight, regulated schedule of activities will obstruct the creative potentials of their children.
The laissez faire parents believe that their children learn best through their experiences of the consequences of their actions. They expect their children to err and learn from their mistakes.
The laissez faire parents encourage their children to experiment with things. They allow the children to explore the world and try new experiences. They believe that their children would grow into maturity by learning and growing out of their experiences.
Impacts of Parenting Styles
Smart children who are intellectually inclined will not let down their parents by abusing their freedom. They will grow up to become more independent and creative as they explore and experiment to understand the nature of things. They would enjoy schools and can become high achievers in their academic performance.
Naïve and gullible children with poor thinking skills tend to abuse their freedom and become impulsive, disobedient and rebellious. They lack self-discipline and control and are low achievers in their academic performance. Many may go astray as they are likely to be susceptible to the negative influences of their friends. Some may even fall into the trap of drug abuse.
Guidance to Parenting
The laissez faire parents must make an effort to know their children well by observing their behavior and getting feedback from others about their conduct. Freedom is given on condition that their children use it wisely to grow their potentials. Should the children abuse their freedom and fall out of line, they must change their parenting styles and become a regulator to put them on the right track.
Below are some tips to regulate their children.
– Develop house rules and a schedule for your children activities for study, work, play and relaxation.
– Ensure they follow the schedule as planned
– Teach your children to organize their school homework for example teaching your children to plan, organize and schedule their activities by introducing some planning and organizing tools such as checklist, planner and diary
– Involved your children in housekeeping chores like cleaning, sorting, categorizing things
– Assign chore that involves sorting and categorizing keeping notes, homework, handouts, and graded assignments in separate files or folders
– Reward your children for compliance to the rules and regulations
– Encourage your children to save money by opening a saving account for them
– Help your children to list down their assignments and household chores and ensure that they follow the activities listed in the checklist
High Complexity – The Smart Parents
The smart parents size up their children’s behavior and know many ways to grow their potentials and overcome their shortcomings. Before they treat or respond to their children they always anticipate the consequences and the effects of their actions on their children.
The smart parents consciously and deliberately choose the correct parenting style to suit an occasion when raising their children. They listen actively to their children’s needs, wants, hopes and aspirations and support them in whatever way they can to meet them.
The smart parents use rewards and punishments to shape their children’s behavior. Their children are rewarded for good behavior. They will be punished if they fall out of line.
The smart parents set goals and develop a course of action in bring up their children. They will regulate their behavior on the need to basis. For example, if their children did not get good grades, they will schedule their activities for study, and ensure that they follow strictly to the timetable set for them. Failure to do so will end up in counseling and guidance.
Punishment will be meted out at the last resort should the children persist to disobey their instructions.
The smart parents can be like a boss and a friend to their children. Their children will be treated like a friend if they fall on the right track and grow in the right direction. When their children deviate and do not meet their expectations, they will act like a boss to put them on the right track.
The smart parents believe they have to be the role model for their children. Knowing that they are imperfect, they are good at hiding their weaknesses and displaying their strengths. They are skillful in creating a positive perception of themselves. In front of their children they have to put up a front that they are responsible, committed, trustworthy, courteous, compassionate, kind, just, and all the good qualities of a human being. They want their children to emulate their behavior in the process of learning, growing, becoming and being a better person.
Low Complexity – The Naïve Parents