Johari (Joseph Luft and and Harrington Ingham) established 4 windows for us to discover ourselves and help us to conduct our way of life. They are:
Open self
Open self is a situation where “I know myself and others know me.”
Opening my good self
“Opening my goodself” is a situation whereby I display my goodself and others see my goodself. For example, I know I am helpful and kind (goodself) and others know that I am helpful and kind (goodself). If a person conducts himself by opening up his goodself, he will project his good image leading to;
- gaining cooperation and assistance from others;
- getting support;
- gaining influence;
- commanding respect;
- gaining trust from others.
Opening my lesser self
“Opening my lesser self” is a situation whereby I display my lesser self and others see my lesser self. For example, I know I lie and cheat (lesser self) and others know that I lie and cheat (lesser self). If a person opens up his lesser self, he will destroy his self-image leading to;
- loss of influence;
- being avoided by others;
- not being trusted or respected by others;
- being perceived as a person who is neither reliable nor dependable;
- problems in gaining cooperation or assistance from others;
- loss of support by others.
If we want to have the influence and support of others, it is important for us to conduct ourselves at the conscious level of our minds in a manner whereby we open our goodself. We should try to avoid a stimulus-response behavior when someone gives us pain in any situation. In such a situation, it is likely for us to open up our lesser self which is energized at the sub-conscious level of our minds. If we are reactive, it is likely that we will destroy our self-image.
Closed self
Closed self is a situation where “I know myself; others don’t know me.”
Closing my goodself
“Closing my goodself” is a situation whereby I know I have done some good to others, but others do not know that I have done some good for them. For example, A recommends B, his subordinate for a promotion but B does not know that A has done so. Later, when B discovers that A was the person who has recommended him for the promotion, B will be touched and respects A more.
Closing my lesser self
“Closing my lesser self” is a situation whereby I have done something bad but others do not know about it. For example, A cheats his company but his colleagues do not know that. In such a situation when the management discovers that somebody is cheating the company, anyone or more of the following may happen:
The management will suspect each and every one of her employees for cheating;
- There will be tension among the subordinates;
- Everybody will be suspicious of each other;
- Everybody will be cautious and careful in trusting each other;
- Misunderstanding may arise when the employees accuse each other;
- Motivation and morale of the employees will be adversely affected;
- In serious cases there may be quarrels and fights.
When the culprit for cheating is caught, his image will be badly tarnished as his lesser self is opened and everybody knows about it.
It is therefore important for an employee to admit that he has done something bad and learn from his mistakes.
Blind self
“Blind self” is a situation whereby “I do not know myself but others know me.
Often we hear feedback about our lesser self from others. We tend to reject this feedback and persist in maintaining our lesser self. In such a situation we are blind to ourselves. Being blind to ourselves will not help us to change for the better. Our lesser self, due to our refusal to see ourselves in the right perspectives, will hamper our growth and self-development.
Hidden self
“Hidden self” is a situation whereby “I do not know myself and others do not know me.”
We have latent talents. Others and we ourselves do not know these hidden talents. To discover our hidden self, we must have the opportunity to display our talents. We need to seek new experiences to enable us to discover our latent talents.
For example, A likes to sing . She does not know that she is a good singer. At a certain wedding party, she was invited to go on stage to give a song. After some persuasion, she sang and the audience gave her a standing ovation. Likewise, we may be instructed to do a job that we are not trained for. Often we see it as a problem and feel upset with the management. We should see it as a challenge. Who knows, we may discover our hidden self.
Self renewal
“Self-renewal” is the process of de-freezing our lesser self and cultivating a goodself. If we wish to change our lives for the better, it begins with self-renewal. Nobody can help us to change for the better unless we ourselves want the change. It is said that our success begins with self-change and self-change begins with us.
The journey we have to take to change ourselves has to go through the following psychological phases:
Self – denial stage
“Self-denial” is a stage when you reject the feedback of someone who has touched your lesser self. You will close your ears to the negative feedback and take for granted that nothing has happened and maintain your lesser self. For example, someone accuses you of being arrogant and biases (lesser self) to your subordinates and you reject and brush off this negative feedback. In such a situation, there is no change and you will continue being arrogant and bias towards your subordinates.
Self – defensive stage
“Self-defensive” is a stage when you get visibly upset and use all your defense mechanisms on receiving the feedback from someone who touches your lesser self. In such a situation, you will be emotionally charged and will argue with the person to prove him wrong about his accusation of your lesser self. For example, someone accuses you of truancy at work (lesser self). You become upset and yell at the person for picking on you. You argue that others in the company also play truant and it is in bad taste that you are being called up and questioned. In such a situation, your behavior is reactive, emotional and impulsive and operates at the sub-conscious level of your mind. You will not change and will still continue playing truant.
Self – analysis stage
“Self-analysis” is a stage whereby upon receiving feed back of your lesser self, you begin to analyze your past behavior to verify whether the feedback is true or otherwise. If it is true, you will evaluate the consequences of your lesser self on yourself, others and the rest of the world. You are now operating at the conscious mind. You will recognize that you will remain calm and cool when you create the gap upon receiving a painful stimulus and use your intellect to predict and anticipate outcomes before a choice is made on how to respond.
For example, someone accuses you of playing favoritism; you begin to recall your past experiences to identify whether there have been incidents of you playing favoritism. If it is true, you will analyze the consequences of so doing on yourself, others and the rest of the world.
Self – acceptance stage
“Self-acceptance” is a stage when you see yourself in the right perspective and admit your lesser self. At this stage you begin to feel bad about yourself and sorry for others as you begin to realize that what you have been doing is damaging to your self-image, others and the rest of the world.
Self – commitment stage
“Self-commitment” is a stage whereby you want to change yourself for the better and make a promise to de-freeze your lesser self.
Practicing a new behavior
After analyzing and seeing your lesser self in the right perspective, and feeling bad about yourself, you now make a promise to de-freeze your lesser self. This is not good enough.
You need to practice, practice and practice your goodself until it becomes a habit and your lesser self is unfrozen. The time frame for defreezing a lesser self depends on the person and the lesser self you want to get rid off. To facilitate yourself to change for the better, you need the burning desire to succeed. If you are complacent and contented with yourself, you will not see the need to change.
When you start practicing a new behavior, you are not your natural self. You feel disoriented. Therefore, you must be self-motivated, strong-willed and armed with the sheer determination to go through the processes of change. You need patience and perseverance in your effort to see success. You will be distracted whilst in the process of change. You need self-discipline and self-control to go through it. Whilst going through the change process, there will be others who will not accept you. You must build a wall to accomplish your goal by not being susceptible to the negative influences of others and the environment.
Behavior and human conflict
No two human beings can be similar. Their values and belief systems are formed from their different worlds of limited knowledge and experiences. It is their world of experiences that determine their ideology, norms, customs, traditions and cultures. Hence every human being perceives the world differently.
When culture comes into play, what is right to someone may be wrong to another. There will be grey areas when it comes to ascertaining what is right and what is wrong. What is right in one culture may be wrong in another. For example, a man marrying more than one wife is acceptable in one culture while a woman marrying more than one husband is equally acceptable in another. When these two cultures meet, differences will arise. These differences are the sources of conflicts and disagreements.
The situation below helps us understand how we can resolve conflicts and disagreements between two conflicting parties.
Win – win situation
“Win – win” is a situation when both parties A and B open their goodselves in resolving their differences. In such cases, both parties give pleasure to each other leading to a constructive relationship between them.
Lose – win situation
“Lose – win” is a situation when party A opens up his goodself while party B opens up her lesser self. In this instance, A gives pleasures to B, but B gives pain to A. B’s behavior is irrational and could have been energized by psychological scars buried deep into her unconscious mind. In handling a lose-win situation, it is best for A to withdraw and avoid an argument with B.
Win – lose situation
“Win – lose” is a situation when party A opens his lesser self while party B opens her goodself. In this situation A gives pain to B while B responds by giving pleasure to A. A’s behavior is irrational. Party B should withdraw from the argument and avoid A.
Lose – lose situation
“Lose – lose” is a situation when both parties A and B open their lesser selves. Both parties are giving pain to each other leading to a destructive relationship.